Yes, people are seeking out sex therapy. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

There are dozens of different gender identities and three different types of sexes. Here's a look at the science and culture behind it all. USA TODAY

People – generally – love sex. But that doesn't mean every person loves talking about sex. Especially when issues arise with their partner.

"People always have a degree of shame around sex, and sometimes couples may be discussing sex for the very first time with each other in my office even if they've been together for years," says Ian Kerner, a licensed psychotherapist and sexuality counselor.

A recent YouGov poll found that about one-third of Americans in sexually active relationships want to have more sex with their partner. Research also shows Americans generally are having less sex. Could sex therapy prove beneficial?

Sex therapy may be the key to unlocking problems in your sex life – but it requires making an appointment, being radically honest and pushing away shame.

"It's like dipping your toes into the shallow end of sexual communication," Kerner says. "But very quickly today's couples are figuring out how to swim."

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Sex therapy may be the key to unlocking problems in your sex life – but it requires taking the plunge to make an appointment, being radically honest and pushing away societal shame.

 (Photo: fizkes, Getty Images/iStockphoto) What is sex therapy? And why do people go?

It's pretty self-explanatory: It's like going to therapy for anxiety or depression, but specifically for sex.

"Going to a sex therapist is like going to a dentist with a toothache – generally you've waited too long, and you're in pain, and you just want relief," Kerner says.

Sex therapists help individuals or couples with emotional, psychological or physical concerns surrounding sex, says Anita P. Hoffer, a sex and relationship counselor. Such issues include erectile dysfunction, painful intercourse and relationship and communication problems, as well as dealing with the aftermath of sexual abuse, incest and rape.

No matter the reasons, everyone's issues are valid. "If someone says that they're in distress, we want to believe them, and we don't want to invalidate their distress," says Vanessa Cushing, a resident in counseling at Sunstone Counseling. "So whatever I think might be going on with someone, it doesn't really matter. Because if they're in distress, they're in distress."

A common issue that might lead a couple to sex therapy is a difference in libido.

"This typically creates a dynamic where couples blame and shame each other," Cushing says, "and could mean one person really wants sex therapy and the other doesn't. In this case, it's helpful to hear from the couple individually."

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One thing has changed in recent years, the experts say. People talk about sex differently now than they have before.

"Even though there's a lot of sex negativity or sex avoidance in the world, there's also a lot of sex positivity and sexual health is now understood to be an important part of overall wellness," Kerner says.

Pop culture moments like Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi B's "WAP," for example, has ushered in more frank discussions of sex and sexuality. But stigma still remains for certain communities.

"Marginalized populations are less likely to seek out and receive the mental and physical health treatment they need if they continue to experience bias and stigma," Cushing says.

Kerner says it's important to remember no matter your circumstances, it's OK to want to improve your sex life. 

"You're never too old to have a healthy sex life, even if healthy sex looks different as you move through the life-cycle," Kerne says.

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What can you expect from sex therapy?

First off, validation. "Yes, you are normal," Cushing says. You don't necessarily even have to talk about sex right away if you're not ready.

"If they're not comfortable talking about sex right away, that's totally fine," Cushing says. "We can talk about anything. I've had talks about my dog, their dog, just whatever makes clients comfortable is what we're going to do. I never push anyone to feel anxiety or re-traumatize them, because it's really important for our therapeutic relationship for the client to be comfortable."

Kerner opts to assign homework to his patients called "willingness windows." "It's an allocated window of time in which a couple agrees to show up and engage in a particular activity," he says. "I always emphasize that you don't have to show up for the homework with desire, but rather willingness. I usually meet with couples every two to three weeks because doing the homework is essential to re-writing the sex script."

Ooh: What is maintenance sex and when does it become a problem?

Expect to learn the difference between intimacy and eroticism.

Much like with any type of finding the right provider is key. "A client should take time, as much as is necessary, to find someone they like, who seems curious and interested in their unique life, challenges and aspirations," Hoffer says.

Remember, though: Nothing about sex therapy is pass/fail. "Partner sex should never be about performance," Cushing says. "This only causes performance anxiety. Healthy couple sexuality involves desire, pleasure, eroticism, intimacy and satisfaction."

And experts emphasize it's important to understand nothing sexual will take place during a clinical sex therapy session.

"Sex therapy sessions do not include physical or sexual activity between client and therapist," Hoffer adds. "If the client feels uncomfortable at any time, they should feel free to discontinue working with the therapist."

Interesting: Yes, your partner has a past. This is how to 'get over' it.

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