Improve Your Communication Skills With The “Bridge And Tunnel” Method, How Storytelling Can Advance Your Career: 5 Ways To Improve Communication Skills

 Improve Your Communication Skills With The “Bridge And Tunnel” Method

How Storytelling Can Advance Your Career: 5 Ways To Improve Communication Skills

Storytelling is the key to leadership.

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If people are saying, “I just don’t get it”, that’s exactly what you’ll be saying when it comes to your next raise, promotion or job. Sir Richard Branson said that “The greatest skill anyone can possess is effective leadership communication”. So how can you use storytelling and story strategies to advance your personal vision - and your career? Because “I just don’t get it” isn’t a strategy that works for anybody.

When the Harvard Business Review says that two-thirds of managers are uncomfortable talking with employees for any reason, there’s a larger problem at work here. What if there were some storytelling techniques to improve your communication - and make the most difficult conversations easier? Consider new ways of sharing your story, if you want to see new results:

Take On the Truth: Master storyteller Robert McKee (a coach to screenwriters who have won 18 Academy Awards, 109 Emmy Awards and 19 Writers Guild Awards), says, “If you look your audience in the eye, lay out your really scary challenges, and say, ‘We’ll be lucky as hell if we get through this, but here’s what I think we should do, they will listen to you.” However, it’s not about creating a horror story in your next Slack message. Consider instead the power of honesty. Author John C. Maxwell says, “A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.” So, in your communication, consider this premise: what’s the one thing people need to know, right now? And then: what’s the biggest promise you can keep? Because words without action are untrusted stories. Turning ideas into action is how to build trust.

Take It One Step at a Time: as the saying goes, Rome wasn’t built in a day. It was built one day at a time. So many times, storytellers get lost in the grand vision. Focused on the way the story is supposed to end, the plot is lost before it begins. Consider this question: in any good book, where does Chapter 6 come from? The answer is always: Chapter 5. Grand visions are useful, but they often invite skepticism, without being anchored to what’s happening right now. Consider that the most important step is the next one. How are you connecting your audience to a logical and clear path, from one chapter to the next? Even in a planning meeting, the simplest message is the strongest. What next step makes everything easier?

Take a Look at the Hero of the Story: where you put your attention is where you find your results. In storytelling, it’s best to avoid superhero stories. You know how everyone loves the Marvel movies. But if you are the superhero inside your own story, you’re going to get the same reaction that Eternals did. So ask yourself this heroic (and humble) question: Do you want to be admired, or do you want to be hired? Instead of describing your greatness (watch out for self-descriptions like “innovative self-starter”, “go-getter” or “guru”), demonstrate it. Show, don’t tell, with stories of how you overcame obstacles - and made someone else the hero. What if your greatness is demonstrated in action, and service, not just in descriptive words on your LinkedIn profile? Focus on verbs, not adjectives.

Take on the Language of Creation: There are two types of language. The first type of language is the language of description. It’s used by many of the writers here on Forbes, including yours truly. Description describes, like a white paper or news article. But, for storytellers in business, there’s another language available. That’s the language of creation. The language of creation looks at what you might be able to build, develop, design or deliver. The language of creation is the language of action, and invitation - inviting others into partnerships, agreements and new ideas. Consider how the language of creation might make your story stronger. Are you describing the scene, or putting your listener into the story? What elements of creation language do you observe in this article?

Connection Goes Beyond Information: Here’s an example of two ways to tell the same story. The first is factual, using the language of description: “It’s 97 degrees outside. It’s a hot day.” That’s clear. That’s concise. That’s boring. Take two: “You know that feeling when you open the door, in the middle of summer? You leave the air conditioning behind, and immediately your shirt starts to stick to you, as you get what’s known as the “Houston Hello”. The sun is pounding on your face, as you realize you have to walk two blocks to your car. That’s when you remember you left your sunglasses on the dashboard, as you stand at the traffic light waiting to cross the street.” It’s the same day. It’s the same story. What’s the difference?

True storytellers get the audience involved. Storytellers focus on connection, not just information. If all that’s needed are details, facts and figures, send over that white paper and let the data do the talking. But the numbers never speak for themselves. If you want to share your vision - for your career, your colleagues, your investors, whatever - engagement matters. Numbers, data and statistics are part of a narrative - never the whole story. Consider that the best storytellers provide the context for the content - using the language of creation to build both clarity and action into the conversation. Do you talk about what needs to be done? Do you share your commitments about what you are going to do - and then, do you honor those commitments, so that you are living your authentic story? You don’t have to be a billionaire or a professional writer to communicate more effectively. Elevate your conversation, even when it’s online, by finding a new hero - and telling it like it is.

Founder of Connect Consulting Group, helping leaders thrive in our VUCA world with neuroscience, behavior change & lean communications.

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Can I tell you a story?

Years ago early in my career, my employer offered me a transfer between the Detroit office and the New York City headquarters. I grabbed the opportunity. Ever since I was a kid growing up in a small town in Oklahoma, I had dreamed about living in Manhattan.

I loved life in the “Big Apple,” walking to work, the gym, shops, restaurants, the theater and other entertainment without having to deal with a car. Many of my new officemates noticed I was taking full advantage of the bright lights of the big city. Several colleagues noted I was spending more money on rent, but saving time, enjoying the conveniences and avoiding being a “B&T.”

What’s a “B&T” I asked? “B&T” (or “BNT”) they explained was a "Bridge and Tunnel" person who commuted into Manhattan. BNTs took buses and trains from the New York City boroughs, Long Island and the rest of the tri-state area (New York, New Jersey and Connecticut).

Back then “Bridge and Tunnel” was a pejorative term indicating the class difference for those who couldn’t afford to live in Manhattan, the highest priced of the five boroughs. (According to the Urban Dictionary, the “B&T” slang has now evolved to denote differences in culture awareness, values and attitude, thanks to the ongoing “hipsterization” of popular culture.)

Well, I was hardly a Manhattan sophisticate. My high school’s cheer for home football games in Sand Springs, OK, was “Kill, kill, blood makes the grass grow.” No way did I have the chutzpah to refer to anyone as “B&T” in New York City.

Fast forward to today. The "bridge and tunnel" expression can evolve yet again. This time it can serve as a positive metaphor to support us humans as we talk in this era of heightened anxiety, polarization and distrust. In particular, we can use “bridges and tunnels” to navigate the tensions we often experience when individuals talk at us rather than with us, which often happens during storytelling or regular conversations.

When you intentionally “bridge,” you work to strengthen your connections to others as well as their subject matter and the situation. Your goals are twofold: 1) show your respect as a fellow human being and 2) confirm that you’ve listened and know what they’re saying. You don’t have to agree with them; instead, you’re acknowledging them and their expressed point of view.

One of the best ways to bridge is to use the “looping” technique developed by mediators Gary Friedman and Jack Himmelstein and explained in their 2009 book, Challenging Conflict: Mediation Through Understanding. Looping is a three-step process. First, you listen to the other person, paying close attention to what they’re emphasizing. (This can be different from what you find important.) Second, you synthesize what they’ve said and state it back to them. Third, ask them if you accurately heard them. Feeling heard is a powerful sensation for anyone.

As for “tunnels,” when you make the effort to tunnel, you dig into the details to improve your understanding. By taking the time to excavate, you also show respect as well as express interest to delve deeper into their content.

Asking clarifying questions is an effective way to tunnel. Three useful questions or statements include: “Tell me more.” “Can you give me some examples of what you’re talking about?” “That’s interesting. I’ve not heard that fact before. What are your sources?” The point is not to play “gotcha,” but instead to slow down, draw others out and work toward having a healthy exchange of words and ideas.

These acts of “bridging and tunneling” can be helpful with both conversations and storytelling. The latter continues to grow in popularity as an influential way for people to get their messages across and for good reasons.

When you tell someone a story, you command the space. You appeal to their emotions, encourage them to drop their guard and join you in looking at the world in a different way. And when done well, you may get them to care enough to grasp your intended message and possibly change their mind and even move into action. (To understand the science behind storytelling, check out neuroscientist Emily Falk’s essay, "Op-Ed: Why storytelling is an important tool for social change.") 

By contrast, good conversations depend on dialogue, not monologue. To be effective, individuals need to listen carefully to each other and share the air — that is, take turns talking.

Whether you’re caught up in a story or a conversation, bridging and tunneling can deepen mutual meaning. Bridging helps create connections between concepts and people. Tunneling helps dig for nuggets that contribute to shared understanding and better relationships. And by taking time to drill below the surface, you can foster more satisfying, enjoyable and meaningful interactions with people.

Take the story that opened this article. The moral of the story is that language changes in both positive and negative ways, and we have the power to influence its course. In this case, the phrase “bridge and tunnel” has the potential to keep trending in a constructive way at the same time we’re becoming more polarized and divisive in our relationships. Yet if we’re more intentional, we can change the trajectory of our everyday actions as well as our life.

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